Choices

My Dearest Girls,

Over the past few weeks, I have been haunted by the choices of others.  Things have been made increasingly more difficult due to a person that I allowed to surround me. There are a few lessons that I have learned can help you on your journey:

1.  Keep your circle small

To me, this is just important.  Don’t get friends and acquaintances confused. Likewise, don’t get friends and confidants confused.  Let me explain.  You are going to have friends, but those friends aren’t all going to be trustworthy or genuinely have your best interests at heart.  I’m talking about the people who will, at the drop of a dime, do whatever it takes to help you.  I’m talking about the people who, come hell or high-water, won’t turn away from you when things get rough.  I’m talking about people who, in the face of adversity, will stand beside you no matter the cost.  Those are the people who you let in your circle.  As a high school principal, I have 4 people in my circle.  As a man, I have three people in my circle.

Why is this important?

You need to know who you can trust.  When you figure that out, keep those people close. Everyone else….everyone else…without exception…have to be kept at a certain distance.  By doing so, you get to stay free of the drama these people create and you never allow them to create drama for you.

2.  Peoples bad choices aren’t your bad choices

People around you are going to screw up.  It could be someone you care for, someone you work with, or someone who works for you…remembering that they are human is essential.  We aren’t perfect.  We aren’t designed to be perfect.  It doesn’t mean you have to be ugly to them, but it does mean you better create distance when the time comes.

Whether they are your employee or husband, it is important that you do what is right.  Always tell the truth in a “TSHF” scenario (when the poop hits the fan)…it is the best way to handle it.  The truth can be ugly, but if you always work towards it, you get out of the ugly sooner than later.  You have to stand up and handle it.

Now, while other’s bad choices aren’t your choices or faults, there is an important lesson to learn.  How can you make yourself better as a result of those bad choices?  It is always important to think about what you could do different, what signs you could have seen, or  just how you could handle the situation different as it occurred.  Use every situation to grow….not just the ones that are easy.

3.  Move forward

Sometimes, people have to go.   Bottom line.  Others make choices, but if they make choices that are incredibly stupid or are going to hurt you, MOVE FORWARD WITHOUT HESITATION.  As swiftly as you can, they need to be gone.  I am a believer in second chances…but those second chances don’t have to take place in your space.  Also, I believe we have to forgive, but forgiving doesn’t mean ignoring the mistakes.  I have forgiven many people, but I have forgiven them from afar.

Also, you are going to feel remorse, regret, anger….the full range of emotions…..but there comes a time to let all that go and continue on your path.  Remember, it is still your path. No one can determine how you come out or the direction you take….

Except you.

Move forward.

Pick honesty, truth, and doing what is right…

I will love you today, yesterday, and all the days that lay ahead…

Daddy