Paw

Tomorrow is Father’s Day.

Growing up, this day really wasn’t that big of  a deal.  We did the typical family thing, like give Dad a card and a little present…but  nothing major.

This father’s day, I want to pay tribute to the man you know as “Paw.”  He will likely never see it, but you will.  I think that would be more important to him….

We never went on family vacations or took a lot of trips and I never understood why.  After having you, I know they were using sick days and vacation days at work to come watch us play in all of those ballgames.

He worked in Memphis, which was an hour away.  I never understood why he didn’t work closer…he was always tired when he came home.  Now, I know he made that drive every day so we could have a better life.

He never drove a nice truck or fancy vehicle.  Now, I realize it was because our vehicles were better than his…for safety and reliability.

He never said much when we screwed up, now I realize it was because he possessed the look.  I can remember when there would be times your Nana would get frustrated because she would think he didn’t do much discipline.  He didn’t have to do it…he scared the crap out of us with that look.

He took me hunting so many times.  Now, I realize that by him taking me hunting he knew he was lowering his chances of getting something because I was a squirmer and a talker, but he knew that time was dwindling on us being together.

He pushed me and wouldn’t allow me to make excuses.  There was one time a guy took a starting spot from me when he came back from an injury.  I was devastated.  I remember it clear as day…one of the most impactful moments of my life…when he said, “If you want to start, stop pouting and start working harder.  Get better. When that practice is over, you always back your bag up and leave. You just want to start so you can say you start, but you don’t want to work harder for it. You think they should just hand that to you?  That isn’t your spot…that is spot is for the person who is the best for it and until you start working, it isn’t you.” Now, I realize that he was teaching me to not make mistakes and to always try to perfect your craft…

There was another time after a game when I said that we had been cheated.  He turned around, looked at me, and said, “Y’all didn’t get cheated.  Y’all beat because y’all made too many mistakes.”  The next day, he told me that when you say you got cheated, you are just deflecting from your performance.  “Cowards don’t look in the mirror. They are scared of what they will see. ” Now, I realize that he was teaching me to always look at myself and figure out how to get better.

I can remember thinking to myself so many times growing up…why won’t he just take my side?  He was.  By telling me those things, he was helping me grow up.  A lot of people don’t do that.  I hope I do.

He taught me that the contract you have right now, you got because of the last one. The contract you have right now, it’s going to determine what the next one looks like.  You are always on an interview.

There was a time when we went to one of his company cookouts.  On the way home, we saw a bad wreck on the Memphis bridge.  He stopped and helped.  Someone died that day.  He held my hand the whole way home.  Now, I know that he was upset and just wanted to touch someone he loved.

There was the time I bought my first car.  I was starting my first “real” job, was getting ready to move out, and adulting was hitting me in the face.  If case you didn’t know, Pop loved to go car shopping and negotiate.  We went and he negotiated the deal for hours.  He turned, got up, and said, “This is as good as I can get it.  Do you want it?”  I told him I did, but I was worried about how much it cost.  I asked a question or something like…Dad, what am I going to do?  He knew that question was much more than just about paying for a car.  He told me, “You are going to get up each morning, go to work, work hard, make something of yourself, so you don’t have to worry so much about how you are going to pay for it.” Then, he gave me that big, cheeky grin and told me to go sign the papers and take him out to eat.  He then said, “You’re gonna be fine, son.  You will be able to afford it.”  That afternoon, we had one of our best conversations, ever. He told me that I When everyone goes out, you don’t have to go every time. When all your buddies get together do hang out and play cards, you don’t have to go every time.  You have to learn to pick the things you really like, the things you really like to do, and you have to learn to really like to be conservative and not overspend.”  Now, I realize that was giving some of the best advice I ever had.

When I was getting married, he told me if you don’t cheat on your wife, you never get caught.  Sound advice.  Now, I realize that he got that off of a Ron White video.

There was a time when Paw had a heart attack.  He nearly died.  They had to bring him back at least once.  After that, he tried to say his good-byes, told me how much he loved me and how he wanted us to make sure he looked after Mom.  Now, I realize there is a day coming that I don’t ever want to happen….

He would often smile at me.  Now, I realize I didn’t always deserve that smile.

As a child, most of my memories of my Dad was around doing stuff.  Playing baseball, hunting, playing catch, talking about how to break in gloves….that was it.  I don’t remember many of the conversations, but I do remember us doing “stuff” together, a lot. It was in those insignificant times the most significant thing occurred…we experience the love of a father and a son.

When you get older and have kids, be present!  It is what matters the most.

Paw worked hard when I was growing up.  For most of my life, he worked in Memphis.  He drove an hour to and from work, each day.  Many times when he came home, he was pretty zapped.

Regardless of how hard he worked or what hour of day it was, I don’t remember him ever missing  a baseball or football game.  It didn’t matter if the game started at 3:00 or 4 p.m. and or if we played 5 times in a week.  He was always there.

When I was young, I wondered why we didn’t ever take family vacation or things like that.  Never made sense to me….

Now, I realize that my parents used all their vacation time and sick time to come see Uncle D’s and my ballgames.