The Passing of Your "Paw"

We are nearing the two month mark since your “Paw” passed away.  It hasn’t gotten easier, but I am adjusting to my new normal.  You have done brilliantly.  There are times you still ask for him, but those times come and go pretty quickly.

Look, we all know it is going to happen.  One day, I’m going to die.  You, too.  It is just part of life.  I just hope that when we look back on the moments that we spend together, you will always know….

That I wake up each morning thinking about you….

That I go to bed each night thanking God for you….

That I miss you so much when you are not with me….

That I am complete when you are with me….

That when you aren’t with me, my heart has you wrapped in love…

That when you are wrapped in my arms, my heart is engulfed in love….

That my life was so good before you were born….

That I know now how meaningless my good life was….

That I can’t take my eyes off of you…

That, when my times comes and I am in the Heavens, my eyes will gaze upon you….

Your paw was never really  big on “showing” love.   Personally, I think God gave me girls because he knew that was going to be important to me.  I don’t say that to make you think negatively of your Paw, it is just how some men are.  If you could have ever felt the sincerity in his touch, the comfort it provided, and felt the love that it assured…you would understand.  Your Paw might not have said it, but he showed it.  The older we got, he took the time to start expressing it more through words.

I still have the text messages he sent me, a voicemail on my phone, and some of his clothes.  There are some physical reminders, but none of them will surpass the feelings that we had for each other.  I hope you will say the same about me….

I miss my Dad (that is a huge understatement)…and one day, you will, too.  Happiness is choice and, in the passing of  loved ones, it can be hard to choose to be happy.  However, it is the only way to exist.  Through all of life’s adversity, it can be the one constant in your life.

I choose to pick happy.  I have your Nana, Uncle D, your Mom….and I have both of you.  For those two reasons (both of you), it is hard to be unhappy.  That is what has gotten me through…the feelings that I have for you and knowing that your Paw had those feelings for me.  That is a special love…and one I pray you experience one day.